I really try to only post the happy parts of my life for the world to read, but though I love my little family a lot, life isn't always peaches and cream around here.
Everyday I struggle with the two halves of myself. First, there is a half that grew up thinking that I only deserved to be marginally happy. That true happiness and success was reserved for those who deserved it. Those who grew up knowing what it felt like to be a part of a family that was normal, with parents who loved each other. And that I could never be the best mother to my children because I had no idea what that looked like.
Then there's the Mindy who learned long ago that I deserve happiness because of the good choices I have made thus far in my life. And that if I want to be a good mom to my kids all I have to do is choose to be a good mom and not let my past shape and influence my future.
Most days I can put my life into perspective and choose the better part, but today I find myself struggling more than ever to keep my temper in check and to forgive my children for not being perfect and myself too. And I find myself feeling sad that occasionally I do exactly what I want least for my children. I try so hard to make it better for them than I had and sometimes I fall short.
But isn't that the beauty and reality of this life, that we are allowed to fall so that we will turn to the Savior for comfort? The words of a hymn just came to mind, "Where Can I Turn for Peace?"
Where can I turn for peace?
Where is my solace?
When other sources cease to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart, anger or malice
I draw myself apart, searching my soul?
My boys are both napping now and I am going to do some praying hoping that when they wake I will have found some inner strength to help me through this day. I also have some "I'm sorry's" to offer not only to my children, but to Heavenly Father and my Savior as well.
8 comments:
Sweet Mindy! I loved this post and even though I feel in someways that I had an ideal childhood, I often struggle that I am unable to recreate it. I don't even know where my temper comes from- its so frustrating, I wish there was some magic perfect mom potion! But it does take time and prayer and just think how far you've come in becoming a great mom for those special kids. I KNOW Heavenly Father thinks you are a divine mother and as long as you have the desire to improve- you will. :) Love you lots! (P.S. Look up Minday Gledhill on grooveshark, her music is very uplifting!)
Thank you for this - I needed to know I'm not the only one who falls short today!!
I love you Mindy and know that you deserve the very best, even on days when the path is all uphill and rocky. You are an example to all who meet you, and I keep you in my prayers.
exactly the reason i did child development for my major at school. thank you for this post. just the fact that you recognize it and try to be the kind of mom you know you want to and should be makes such a huge difference.
What?! You're not perfect?! haha Mindy, you are such a beautiful person inside and out. I'm so glad that you moved into our ward so I can watch you and learn from you. You are such a great example of so many things...just keep at it. Like Elder Bednar says...consistency. We all make mistakes, but we only fail if we give up. Don't dwell on mistakes...we all know who would like us to do that. I'm sure that you felt better after those naps. You're so great and I love you!
Hang in there! We all have days like this and they suck (bad word we're not allowed to say)! Your boys know you love them and you know Father loves you.
Sometimes that's what you have to do. I have way more days like that than I would like. We'll get through them -- maybe that's why people don't generally remember much before they're 5. :)
Oh Mindy. I fight my two selves everyday. Or should I say, they fight? Anyway, mine are different than yours but they are there. thanks for the reminder.
Post a Comment